HERE WE GO: Ruben Amorim finally asked for Clear out of SIX first team players as He Line up possible REPLACEMENT before January window closes
HERE WE GO: Ruben Amorim finally asked for Clear out of SIX first team players as He Line up possible REPLACEMENT before January window closes
Manchester United are going to ram through 13 deals in the next 13 days and this is a A Very Good Thing – a dream, even – rather than a sign of mass panic. Mediawatch wishes it could just be February already.
To sleep, perchance to dream
There has been a marked increase in ‘dream transfer window’ speculation during this particular January transfer window (see Mediawatches passim) and what’s been great about all that noise is that it’s accompanied a January transfer window where, in keeping with almost all January transfer windows, nothing much has actually happened.
But while Mediawatch remains certain that the days ahead will contain even guffier guff, today’s Manchester United dream from the Mirror has set a high bar indeed.
Just look at this absolute sh*t.
Man Utd’s dream end to January transfer window with NINE exits and four signings
Now, it would be no great surprise were there to be some ins and outs at United over the days ahead. There might even be a quantity of activity that could legitimately be described as ‘significant’. But they are not going to push through 13 transfer deals in 13 days, guys.
And even if they were going to do that, we’re really not sure that rushing through 13 transfer deals in the last 13 days of a January transfer window could ever actually count as a ‘dream end’ anyway. A ‘panicked end’ maybe.
But we’re here now, so we might as well see who and what this dream involves.
Manchester United are currently the ‘worst team’ in the club’s history, according to Ruben Amorim – and new signings seem to be only solution.
The only issue is that the Red Devils are running out of time to get deals over the line. There’s just a week and a half remaining of the 2025 January transfer window and as it stands, not one new signing has put pen to paper.
Yes, it’s almost like it’s hard to sign good players in January and United probably therefore should not and will not sign four of them in a great big panicky rush.
That could all be about to change over the next few days though. A number of United stars could potentially leave Old Trafford, which could free up vital funds for some new additions.
Any time you see a paragraph where the weasel word ‘could’ appears three times, you can always be certain that what follows is going to be absolutely rock solid.
Let’s start with the NINE exits. We’ll rattle through it, because lord knows you’ve got better things to do even if we haven’t.
Marcus Rashford, Alejandro Garnacho, Antony, Christian Eriksen, Victor Lindelof, Casemiro is a solid enough start. Individually, they all make some kind of sense. Any one of those players leaving United over the next week or two would be no surprise. The trick is the idea that all SIX of them will.
But maths fans will note that SIX is not NINE. Here things take a bit of a turn with the idea of Tyrell Malacia potentially leaving on loan being used to fudge the numbers slightly, before full on p*ss-taking kicks in with further loans for Harry Amass (17 years old, zero first-team appearances for Manchester United) and Dan Gore (20 years old, two first-team appearances for Manchester United) being added because while SEVEN is definitely more than SIX, you cannot deny that NINE is even more than SEVEN.
Unsurprisingly, though, it’s the ‘four signings’ where things really unravel. Because almost nobody ever makes four signings in January, do they? It’s just not really a very good idea. So what have we got?
We going to start at the end here, if you’ll indulge us. Because Mediawatch has the solemn duty of informing you the Mirror, bless their hearts, are still indulging the idea that Manchester United might sign Viktor Gyokeres this month.
You know what? Fine. Let’s just say for the sake of argument that is a thing that could happen. That’s one. What about the other three?
Looking at incomings, it appears the focus could potentially be on the left-back position. Lecce defender Patrick Dorgu appears the most likely to arrive over the coming days and will give added depth.
